There is a list of things I never told you:
10. When you say something twice and no one pays attention, don’t repeat it a third. Demand they listen the first go around.
9.  I can feel the heaviness of your eyes on me, but I can’t lift the weight of looking up
8.When you find her. And I know one day you will. Don’t think of all the things she will keep you from. Think of all the things she will lead you to. People are not prisons. 
7. Kindness is more attractive than intelligence. So listen. Honesty rubs at the soul like sea glass. It is hard to smooth the pain alone.
6. Thank you for the shrimp scampi. Letting me control the music. And an attempt to like white wine.  
5. The 405 and I have gotten close. It catches my tears between exits. Even in a new car, you have broken my commute. 
4. It will always hurt to say no to you. It is an exercise, but I have yet to grow strong.
3. You were the third with a set of initials I seem destined to collide with. I believe in energy and ours is not finished.
2. You spoke of minutes we got away, lost in the northern seashore and European rolling hills as life changing beauty. I know I suck at math, but things don’t add up.  I guess you were subtracting.  
1. I wonder if all the post-its I wrote for you still sleep in your kitchen drawers. Early in the morning, while you were still in bed, I would track their life span, as I brewed coffee. Made sure they were still breathing. Read them like EKGs, every new day their survival the only way to track where you heart was going. I doubt their still alive.