The Goodbye Poem

By Kelly Grace Thomas

 

There was once a night that I almost said I love you.

And many mornings where your blue eyes almost said it back.

I have put those almosts in boxes.

Labeled that which no longer serves me,

to never forget how hungry they made me.

 

Mornings of picking out ties.

Afternoons of long car rides where we navigated between laughter and silence.

Nights of wine tasting and conversation where we swam in each others’ deep ends.

All away in boxes.

I have erased the pictures of a time I keep wishing to go back to.

Vineyard vines wrapped like chains.

Dirt roads that went in cirlces.

The glow of a television like an exit sign.

The hole got bigger and until one day, I laid on the couch next to a stranger.

 

You didn’t want to but you had to,

obligation is the death of anyone wanting to be free.

 

You asked me so many times to run away from you.

Always so trapped. Never saying what you wanted.

Brewing beneath the surface.

I tried to reach you, but burnt my fingers pretending I had the ingredients.

Left post-its to remind us both.

As if we couldn've lived perfectly amongst commutes and presidential elections.

Dreams of East Coast and ambition.

The restlessness of a blue tornado and chained silence you think makes you strong.

There were moments of relaxation, as I laid down in your arms

you would whisper “So much better” into my hair.

You needed love as much as I did.

Rest.